Lessons I learned from watching “Tootsie” (1982) and “Mrs. Doubtfire” (1993)
A. Jewish guys make unattractive older ladies;
B. Older white guys are easily fooled by Jewish guys pretending to be women;
C. When pretending to be a woman:
1. Be sure to affect an accent, whether its southern or Scottish or even one that is more arcane – the more outrageous the better as we know that all women everywhere speak in a foreign language;
2. Keep a girdle on hand, because even though very few women wear girdles these days, it reminds us of a time when women were in bondage to them; now women are just in bondage to starvation, bulimia and over-exercise;
3. Wear a front tooth bridge to hide those nasty fangs that women like to conceal underneath those veneers;
4. Wear a dress – frumpy, frilly – even though women rarely wear dresses, even in business, as suits are now the norm, dresses remind us of how a woman can still be feminine;
5. Don high heels, and continually complain about them – no one will hear you, as they are still regarded as haute coutre by those “Sex and the City” devotees, but complain nonetheless because its funny to think that something will actually change;
6. Pretend to primp and care if your butt looks too big in the mirror – body image and insecurity is in women is a big joke and a stretch for men as they are thought not to have the same issues.
The biggest lesson I have learned is that it is funny when guys dress up as females and carry a movie, but it is not so much when women attempt to do the same.
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