For those of you who may not have seen even a snippet of this show (I call you one of the “lucky ones”), “Jersey Shore” is one of those pseudo-reality shows on MTV. Remember when MTV used to just show music videos? That makes two of us, and according to my daughter, we are apparently very old for having these memories. “Jersey Shore” follows the escapades of 8 alleged Italian-American kids (I say “alleged” because my Italian friend, Maria, claims that one of the girls is of Peruvian descent) as they drink, dance, fight, demean themselves and others, and generally cavort around New Jersey and other locations as determined by MTV.
I didn’t think at my age that I could really learn that much, but “Jersey Show” has definitely taught me a few things:
1. Girl fights are now considered a rite of passage;
2. The word “bitch” is a synonym for the word “female”;
3. One-night stands are the new “Love Story”;
4. Intoxication makes people look even more unintelligent than their natural proclivities previously dictated;
5. Tanned bodies + steroid use (juice?) + no sense of shame = a lot of money for MTV;
6. 30-year-olds have no business being so goal-less;
7. Having a nickname does not make a person more endearing;
8. Public urination and intoxication are as common in New Jersey as biking and hiking are in Colorado;
9. The verb “to smash” has a whole new meaning other than to make something compact;
10. There’s a dearth of good programming on TV;
11. I’m glad I live in Colorado.
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